This is where I’ve placed the first few songs I ever wrote along with recordings I’m less than satisfied with, but wanted to share anyway…
Sometimes deciding what direction to go in and what ideas to keep working with from what should be discarded can really slow me down and ultimately I’ll put away the project for a while. These songs were each that sort of situation in their own way and even years since having completed some of them, I’m still unsure and wonder what could be better / if it’s worth the bother.
I feel odd overall though for everything I spend my time on. But there’s not much else for me to do until I figure out where I belong in all of this. I’m trying to get my life together as best I can and as I work toward that, I’ll keep my art, poems and strange/poor little songs as familiar places for me to get lost in every now and then. If you decide to check any of these out, thank you for listening :)
Direct links to each song are below the lyrics.
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I never got a very good recording of this one and found it very hard to project my voice over the piano, but anyways, the idea is there I guess…Just a poem I decided to sing.
Taken From (2011)
No one cares
Contentment fades
The soul decides what blood it takes
From these conflicts and problems of everyday
From my living for the grave
Confused, aren’t you? When I appear
The one with a voice always too low to hear
She knows there is no more to say
You’d die before you’d ever change
And they want all from me; stripped worthless at their word
I take enough from the hurt but I beg for the worst
Smothered within this fog
I’ve watched unmoved for far too long
—
http://www.box.com/s/em41lkrqrhz22nssrx60
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I worked on these lyrics for too long, but they came as part of a long poem I’ve shared on my blog called “The Drowned” (Oct 20, 2010) which I broke up. The recording is with my keyboard as I didn’t have the piano at the time. Once I got it, I tried to record with the piano but couldn’t carry my voice over it well enough without pain. I may revise it one day, at a slower pace…
Fall Quiet (2010)
You don’t trust there is ever someone else
Your wounds they try to nurse
Kind words trying their best, but now all that’s left is when
For they no longer draw your breath
Fall quiet, don’t notice
Feel your soul subside
Far from a reason to survive
The answer’s been within your will to die
You resent the light every sun rise has ever bled
But you know forever ends—
You know they all want you dead
And your every part knows just how much you deserve it
Fall quiet, don’t notice
Feel your skin divide
With eyes open, pleading to the night
Don’t hesitate, don’t fear, don’t save this life
Fall quiet, no one will notice
Pour cold into the other side
—
http://www.box.com/s/ff0dg0uly98hsa25854i
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This is actually the very first set of lyrics I wrote. My first song, but a revised recording from 2010 with keyboard instead of piano (hadn’t gotten it yet). I wanted to sing the parts better/differently.
So Close (2008-Revised)
What I know
Deserved loss and loneliness
Never being saved from oneself
Where I go in my dreams
Nothing is all this means
Yesterday, death ran through me
Alone for too long again
Clouded eyes
A mind, the faithful bleed
Mercy…tell me who to be
And what I’ve done with my screams…
I am not what they see
Yesterday, death ran through me
Their answers are broken hope
And I’m so close to letting go
Yesterday, death ran through me
And I’m so close to letting go…
—
http://www.box.com/s/py82m9dxlaakauf8vajz
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This is a more experimental recording, for me anyway. Tried to sing it a certain way to add to the meaning, which I’d never tried before, but I think I failed overall in the attempt. It just sounds weird, but I laugh for how much time I spent believing I was getting somewhere…lol If only a better singer tried and some extra instruments included, maybe the idea I had would have come across better.
From The Gray (2010)
In pieces,
You’re exactly what I am
I see your way, I know
And I only believe in hope when
It’s you I have to save
Open to your memories
Turn away and close your eyes
I’ve got you now, carved up and out of mind
Disappearing from their light
Shaken from the gray
You fall into its sway
Lost in the ache
A far escape
I know the scene and won’t forget
Pouring red—running cold
I’m not alone; you are my only thought,
The only dream, never letting go
And more than enough for all I take
I’ve been shaken from the gray
I’ve been lost within the ache
So far into escape
I see your way
When your will begins to break
You’re not alone, I know
And I only believe in hope
When it’s you I have to save
—
http://www.box.com/s/k57eg1si4m5z1vn29uu0
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A poem I decided to sing a capella. I over thought my approach at first, because I have no music to hide my voice behind, but I tried to make it at least a little interesting…
This Way to Cry (2011)
The way she sings this word
The saddest wound I’ve ever heard
Together when we die…
Sad little note and I
I thought if I closed my eyes
You wouldn’t make me breathe
Not again, not this alone
This way to cry, the sick I heave
They see but don’t come with me
The distance always shows
Letting go the way I seem
The face begins to fold
Pain I’ve learned is sweet when worse
Remembering to hurt…
Answers opened to the soul
In no life have I found my home
—
http://www.box.com/s/8hscie57vadbebgrg2g4
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As cheesy and stupid as these lyrics are, I still like this song…lol It’s my second one ever written, with slightly revised lyrics and is sung a bit differently. The changes made were recorded with keyboard since I couldn’t carry my voice over the piano for the parts in this song very well…
The Cold (2008-Revised)
An unwanted wake…
I’m with shadows in wait
Embraced as I feel nothing
But a freeze wrapped around me
Cold, I sleep in darkness, in peace
The death I am and all I need
I’m without your grief
Your faith of lies I won’t believe
And I hear nothing but one voice calling
I bleed for the freedom now within reach
Cold, I sleep in darkness, in peace
And I won’t be stolen
From where I have chosen to be
See what I see
Forget everything my life should mean
Know what I know
I have already let go
For the cold, for the peace
In darkness I sleep
It calls me, I reach
The death I am— all I need
—
http://www.box.com/s/84rp1azcdul58tb9sn9g
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This song felt like a bit of a throw away. I liked the piano parts, but couldn’t sing the lyrics the way I wanted to…just a frustrating one for how simple it sounds and I still may redo the whole thing…
Follow Through (2010)
Promising guise
The many ways I’ve learned to hide
Light of the liar, pretending to try
While the rot of my dying seeps the inside
Long time my losses have been sorted
And my doubts, so few
I won’t wait, I follow this forward now
The darkness I follow through
Sweet memories have had their time
Of a life not truly mine
Bleed them dry, bleed them dry
Carve them out right through the eye
I know too well the dreamless night
Lost in floods of pain to cry
Let me find my way to die
A way to become your kind
Long time my losses have been sorted
And my doubts, so few
I don’t wait, I follow this forward now
The darkness I follow through
—
http://www.box.com/s/pprakntcp9sm557japgi
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One of my favorites from the handful of early songs (yes, I know they all have terrible lyrics…) I did a newer recording with the piano and sang differently to fix some of the lower vocal parts that didn’t turn out well in recordings from years earlier.
Left Alone (2008-Revised)
Rise, fall, pain
Left alone
The one they’ve thrown away
And I sit here, and ask myself am I okay
No, not today
All that breathes- stay away
Life spent, it’s unwanted, watching me, wordless—
Your eyes at a distance
You stand there as I’m thrown in
Say you don’t hear me? You pretend
Every word’s not lost in the wind
Didn’t know? It’s a trend, it won’t end
Every lie is not given its own grin
But my illness has spoken
My screams have broken skin
And I know you see the blood on my sleeve
Wouldn’t dare look beneath
So-I keep tearing. I’m not saving my last breath
Not for you, or anybody else
One day
We’ll all be gone to some place
No hope without hate
No faith without shame
All gone one day…and
I can’t wait
—
http://www.box.com/s/c6t86ajfr6drcq3xdmtk
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