Poem titled “Leave Me”
Cheap in my silence
Unraveled and desire-less
My hopeless despondence
Existence of somnolence
Dreams of a sickened mind
Where all is blood and death
When pain keeps the soul alive
I yearn, the safe of darkness
A dearly met impulsive sting
For a moments honest peace
Leave me in this daze.
Leave me spilled beneath my blade.
The art page/slide is updated now: fifty five images total, not including the one above yet.
I think it’s got to be more than just social anxiety now. I’ve gotten too comfortable with avoidance and I don’t think I can change how I feel about it. Avoiding social interaction just keeps the pain and distress low. I like being alone over being around others, but I know as well as anyone else that it can not be this way forever. Anyway, I’ve gone numb and it’s hard to write again. How many pathetic times will I say that….
September 30, 2008 at 2:48 pm
“Dreams of a sickened mind
Where all is blood and death”
I feel like a sickened mind…. You write what you feel, which I think is something people are afraid to do, even me personally….
You know what they say, there’s always time to turn back. I feel the same way about my anxiety, and I get to this point sometimes where it seems like I’ve taken far too many steps backward to ever exist in the world again.
I think it’s about throwing yourself out there, forcing yourself to be immersed in something that makes you uncomfortable. For instance, there was a time when I was ‘comfortable’ (I use the term loosely) with driving. But I’ve abandoned it for so long that it is difficult and extremely stressful once again.
It’s a matter of systematically making sure you never get to the “oh fuck I’m going to die if I have to deal with anyone” mentality. But now that you’re at that bad point, to the extreme, you’d have to just ‘dive in’, so to speak to get back to wherever you were.
I don’t know if this will help, but for me, something like going to the grociery store works. Tag along with whoever does the shopping, even if it’s just once a week, at least it will get you out and about so the anxiety might not be so horrible when you actually are forced to go somewhere.